godofPH
November 22nd, 2006, 11:25 PM
WARNING: This poem is an amateurish spoof of the song "Diary of an Unborn Child." While I am spoofing it, this poem is still Pro-Life in nature. Also, I've infused it with X-Men lore. So, unless you're a Pro-life X-Men fan, you'll probably hate this poem.
Diary of an Unborn Mutant
August 1- My life began today. Kinda thought it would be more…eventful than this. The stupid tadpole dug into the egg thing, and thus I was made. Now what?
August 15- I’ve got a little bigger now. I’m still too small to be seen by outside humans, but if this growing keeps up, they’ll see me eventually. At least I hope so. I could be invisible, that wouldn't be good.
September 3- My heart started beating today, its kind of silent, but it’ll get better. That is, it’ll get better if I don’t have a premature heart attack or something. God, I hope that doesn’t happen. That would be weird. Mommy wouldn’t like that.
September 27- My eyes developed today. As soon as I tried to open them, some weird red beams shout out of them and struck the walls of my room. Then some kind of Earthquake happened and a scream from outside, my room was all shaky for a bit. Then I heard a voice outside say, "Good Lord, what the **** was that!" I think that was my mommy! She sounded so nice, I can’t wait to be born!
November 4- I discovered some weird claws growing out of my tiny hands today. They feel pretty sharp. I touched one, and it cut me open. It healed right up though. That was lucky, I wouldn’t want to be hurting myself before mommy could even see me!
November 15- I think the doctor tried to kill me today. He blasted some scary ultrasound waves at me, I was worried. Then he goes and tells mommy that shes pregnant with me. That mean man, first he tries to kill me before mommy even knows about me; THEN he tells her I’m there.
November 23- Its thanksgiving today, I bet mommy is giving thanks for me today! On a related note, I started growing hair today. Blue Hair. All over my little body. I guess this is just normal for people, I bet the world is a real exciting place if all people are like this!
December 4- That damn doctor, he struck again. Today I hear his voice coming from the outside, then some sharp, shiny spoon thing comes into my room and tries to get me. I wasn’t going to let him take me away from mommy, so I blasted that devilish spoon right out of my room with those neat-o eye beams I got. Serves you right, you damn piece of rogue silverware.
December 18- Good lord, it happened again! This time I was prepared, I discovered some really cool lightning powers I got. I shocked that mean ol’ spoon right out of my room. Will that Doctor learn?
January 4- I heard the Doctor yet again, he is still out to get me! I can’t believe mommy hasn’t figured out what he is trying to do to me! Today he tried to poison me, I know this ‘cause this painful stuff came through my umbilical cord. I felt like I was done for, but then it suddenly felt all better. I think it was the same thing that fixed me up when I accidentally cut myself with my claws. You’ll never get me, you dumb Doctor!
January 19- Mommy has been crying a lot lately, I wish I could comfort her somehow. Today some scary wire invaded my room. This time, I chopped that crazy assassin up with my awesome claws. I can’t believe mommy doesn’t notice these attempts on my life, but I’m sure she has a good reason for it.
February 2- I heard some unknown voice talking to mommy about something called an "X-Gene Mutagen." He says that I have it. It sounds pretty cool, I bet mommy is so proud of me!
February 16- I have to stop writing in this diary soon, I’m running out of pages. Apparently, diaries that suddenly appear within wombs for the developing infant’s use are cheaply produced and don’t have many pages. Go figure. I tried writing diary entries on the walls of my room with my claws, but whenever I did it made mommy yell. I’m starting to think she doesn’t like it.
March 7- This will have to be my last diary entry, I lost my last few spare pages when that Doctor tried to get me with the scary spoon yet again. This time I went Medieval on that thing, I tore that stupid spoon up! You’ll never get me down Doctor. I’m going to meet my mommy soon, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. I bet the world is so great, especially for people like me who have this "X-Gene Mutagen." Oh I so cannot wait to be born!
Diary of an Unborn Mutant
August 1- My life began today. Kinda thought it would be more…eventful than this. The stupid tadpole dug into the egg thing, and thus I was made. Now what?
August 15- I’ve got a little bigger now. I’m still too small to be seen by outside humans, but if this growing keeps up, they’ll see me eventually. At least I hope so. I could be invisible, that wouldn't be good.
September 3- My heart started beating today, its kind of silent, but it’ll get better. That is, it’ll get better if I don’t have a premature heart attack or something. God, I hope that doesn’t happen. That would be weird. Mommy wouldn’t like that.
September 27- My eyes developed today. As soon as I tried to open them, some weird red beams shout out of them and struck the walls of my room. Then some kind of Earthquake happened and a scream from outside, my room was all shaky for a bit. Then I heard a voice outside say, "Good Lord, what the **** was that!" I think that was my mommy! She sounded so nice, I can’t wait to be born!
November 4- I discovered some weird claws growing out of my tiny hands today. They feel pretty sharp. I touched one, and it cut me open. It healed right up though. That was lucky, I wouldn’t want to be hurting myself before mommy could even see me!
November 15- I think the doctor tried to kill me today. He blasted some scary ultrasound waves at me, I was worried. Then he goes and tells mommy that shes pregnant with me. That mean man, first he tries to kill me before mommy even knows about me; THEN he tells her I’m there.
November 23- Its thanksgiving today, I bet mommy is giving thanks for me today! On a related note, I started growing hair today. Blue Hair. All over my little body. I guess this is just normal for people, I bet the world is a real exciting place if all people are like this!
December 4- That damn doctor, he struck again. Today I hear his voice coming from the outside, then some sharp, shiny spoon thing comes into my room and tries to get me. I wasn’t going to let him take me away from mommy, so I blasted that devilish spoon right out of my room with those neat-o eye beams I got. Serves you right, you damn piece of rogue silverware.
December 18- Good lord, it happened again! This time I was prepared, I discovered some really cool lightning powers I got. I shocked that mean ol’ spoon right out of my room. Will that Doctor learn?
January 4- I heard the Doctor yet again, he is still out to get me! I can’t believe mommy hasn’t figured out what he is trying to do to me! Today he tried to poison me, I know this ‘cause this painful stuff came through my umbilical cord. I felt like I was done for, but then it suddenly felt all better. I think it was the same thing that fixed me up when I accidentally cut myself with my claws. You’ll never get me, you dumb Doctor!
January 19- Mommy has been crying a lot lately, I wish I could comfort her somehow. Today some scary wire invaded my room. This time, I chopped that crazy assassin up with my awesome claws. I can’t believe mommy doesn’t notice these attempts on my life, but I’m sure she has a good reason for it.
February 2- I heard some unknown voice talking to mommy about something called an "X-Gene Mutagen." He says that I have it. It sounds pretty cool, I bet mommy is so proud of me!
February 16- I have to stop writing in this diary soon, I’m running out of pages. Apparently, diaries that suddenly appear within wombs for the developing infant’s use are cheaply produced and don’t have many pages. Go figure. I tried writing diary entries on the walls of my room with my claws, but whenever I did it made mommy yell. I’m starting to think she doesn’t like it.
March 7- This will have to be my last diary entry, I lost my last few spare pages when that Doctor tried to get me with the scary spoon yet again. This time I went Medieval on that thing, I tore that stupid spoon up! You’ll never get me down Doctor. I’m going to meet my mommy soon, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. I bet the world is so great, especially for people like me who have this "X-Gene Mutagen." Oh I so cannot wait to be born!