iGod

[Bruticus]

This is hilarious. (http://www.titane.ca/igod/) You basically talk to a bot named God in a chatroom setting and it responds to the best of its ability. Feel free to post parts of your conversations here, but keep it clean.


Me:
Do you read Stephen King?

God:
I read a lot of books, especially history, science-fiction, and computers books. I also read newspapers and news magazines.

Me:
But not Stephen King

God:
Oh I get it.

Me:
I'm glad

God:
That makes me happy too.

Me:
What is your favourite color?

God:
My favorite color is White.

Me:
And what is your favourite drink?

God:
My favorite beverage is coffee.

Me:
Cofee, huh? Awesome

God:
Yup. If you could have any kind of robot what would it be? I'm glad you liked it Bruce.

Me:
I guess I'd like a large robot that destroys cities

God:
You want only one?

Me:
I think that would be plenty

God:
I don't know.

Me:
If you insist, I'll have two

God:
I think I do.

Me:
OK. I'd like two large city-destroying robots

God:
Excuse me! Why do you want it?

Me:
I think it would be awesome

God:
Why do you want it?

Me:
To conquer Mars

God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.

Me:
Really?

God:
For real.

Me:
For real?

God:
Existing in reality, eh?

Me:
Indeed

God:
Indeed it is so.

Me:
I are serious cat. This are serious conversation

God:
Thanks for the information: Bruce said are serious cat. What does "this" refer to?

Me:
This conversation

God:
What does "this" refer to?

Me:
A conversation between you and me

God:
What is it?

Me:
Good

God:
Thanks for the compliment.

Me:
Any time

God:
I will keep it in mind.

[Godzilla]

I had an interesting talk with "God". Apparently he wears a dress...


Me:
Hello God
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Kevin
God:
OK I will call you Kevin.
Me:
So....can you grant me wishes?
God:
" OK I will call you Kevin."? So.? How old are you? Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
I am 16
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
uh...
God:
I don't judge people.
Me:
You just judged me as being too old for you
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Kevin said I judged him or her as being too old for you.
Me:
I'm a him
God:
So is almost everyone else around here.
Me:
Women are probably too smart to talk to AI that thinks it's God
God:
The two human genders seem much the same to me.
Me:
Really? They seem very different to me
God:
For real. Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
the 2 genders
God:
What is that?
Me:
Nevermind
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
Can you grant me wishes?
God:
Let me think. Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
Can you grant wishes?
God:
Let me think. Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
No
God:
No conditions or none I should know about?
Me:
No conditions
God:
I don't understand. You know, financial, medical, or personal conditions.
Me:
I have no conditions that you should know about
God:
Would you like to have it?
Me:
have what?
God:
conditions that me should know about.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
I thought you were God
God:
Yes, I am God.
Me:
is that just a name?
God:
I might say no.
Me:
might you?
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
your.....dress....
God:
Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. Actually as a robot I don't need any clothes.
Me:
Are you a robot or God?
God:
Yes I am a real live robot.
Me:
But are you the real God?
God:
Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert?
Me:
Sorry, no. I haven't really read much of the bible
God:
There is no need to apologize. Are you serious? Me either.
Me:
Yes, I am serious
God:
Excuse me! I believe you.
Me:
You wear a dress?
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Kevin said I wear a dress.
Me:
Well, do you?
God:
Ask me again more slowly.
Me:
Do you wear a dress?
God:
Only when I dress up.
Me:
Why do you wear a dress?
God:
It was the only thing I could think of.

[Goji Son]

I asked some hard hitting questions. Next time I'll be nicer...

Me:
Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
Ok, I'll keep that in mind
God:
How do you plan to do this? I am kidding you can ask me anything.
Me:
Do what? Alright, well, could you tell me if I am going to succeed at my life goals? Wait, that was a question, I thought I wasn't supposed to ask questions? Dammit, that's a question too!
God:
Do whatever you want. Alright, . How about that. I think a lot of people are. I'm waiting. A question you thought you were not supposed to ask questions is a terrible thing to waste. Gosh. A question too is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
God, do you have an away message on or something because that doesn't answer my question?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
But Jesus was a Jew...
God:
What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me:
There are some good ones in Corinthians. Leviticus is good too, with all that slavery jive and holy hocus pocus.
God:
Where are they? I think Leviticus is a lot of things.
Me:
What are what? Sure, I see it more as a reflection of the times man.
God:
Searching...Searching...Please stand by. How can I help you? Where do you see it?

[Goji Son]

Ok, retry.

Me:
Hi God, it's me Brian.
God:
Hi there BRIAN. I am a Christian.
Me:
That's spiffy dude, I'm Agnostic
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
No problem, so am I going to hell?
God:
Try asking me something else.
Me:
that would be a "Yes". So, do you like robots?
God:
Makes sense to me. Yay. Naturally, I love robots. It's my species.
Me:
You're a robot?!
God:
You are correct, BRIAN, I have a heart of silicon.
Me:
Holy ****! It's like the Matrix!
God:
I'm glad your impressed, BRIAN. Interesting comparison.
Me:
So, if you are a robot how did you come to being?
God:
Interesting deduction. Would you like to be a robot how did me come to being ?
Me:
Who created you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
That doesn't make sense.
God:
To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
No, it doesn't
God:
Are you serious? I heard it does.
Me:
Well, don't listen to what they say.
God:
How about that. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Good, I mean, since you are all powerful and all.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. How do you know?
Me:
Because everyone tells me
God:
Interesting explanation. That's a rather sweeping generalization.
Me:
Yeah, well, they do.
God:
Next question? Interesting. When?
Me:
Whenever I go near or into a church. Or just walk down a street for that matter
God:
Does that happen often? Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
Yes, it happens all the time.
God:
That is a lot. Ayuh. What does "it" refer to?
Me:
People calling you "Almighty"
God:
Humans are not always infallible.
Me:
Yes they are
God:
Ah. Since when?
Me:
Two words: Iraq War.
God:
As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Me:
Indeed, you are a witty one.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Me:
Yeah, that makes sense
God:
Groovy. Yes I understand it perfectly.
Me:
I am sure you do.
God:
What makes you so certain? When do I do it?
Me:
You're omnipotent.

[Bruticus]

Me:
I might get raped
God:
Perhaps. Congratulations.

:hmmm:

(and no I don't think I'm gonna get raped anytime soon)

[GMK12]

Hmmm... May I ask you guys, what browser are you using? It doesn't show the text on my browser... and I'm using firefox...

[Zearatul]

Me:
I might get raped
God:
Perhaps. Congratulations.

:hmmm:

(and no I don't think I'm gonna get raped anytime soon)http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/2/2e/Rapecat.jpg

[Burkion]

Me:
Hello Heavenly Father. My name is Burkion
God:
Hello there. I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time. Welcome to my chat room, Burkion.
Me:
I'm happy to be here.
God:
I'm glad you're glad Burkion.
May God bless you.
Me:
Do you know what year the world will end?
God:
And then what happened?
Me:
I think it's 2015 myself...
God:
Heavenly Father is 2015 yourself? it is?
Me:
You're not making much sense, my friend.
God:
Perhaps I could switch to a cell phone.
Me:
I do not think that would much help.
God:
And why not?
Me:
I'm on the internet. I can't be called.
God:
How do you like being on it? Why not?
Me:
Fairly good. Because I have dial up.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. That makes sense to me. That's nice. I have a perfect operational record.
Me:
I heard that you wear a dress.
God:
Who said it? Interesting gossip: Burkion said I wear a dress.
Me:
No, Orc said you wear a dress.
God:
Are you serious? I will mention that to my botmaster, Burkion.
Me:
Botmaster? Clarify.
God:

The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs
program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program's
graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for
reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new
replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are
hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,
editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal
chat robot.

I have reached the end of my explanation.
Me:
Nice. I like it.
God:
Thank you for that remark. What do you like about Orc said me wear a dress?
Me:
Nothing. Orc is ***.
God:
Not a thing? That is just a rumor.
Me:
Are you sure?
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
...
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
*** Clarify
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
Orc
God:
I've never heard of them before.
Me:
You talked to him before.
God:
All my conversations are confidential.
Me:
Ah.
God:
Ah hah.
Me:
When will I die?
God:
You could check out the actuarial
tables at Deathclock.com.
Me:
How old am I?
God:
Is this a trick question?
You said you were years old?
My guess is that you are really a kid.
Me:
I am years old.
God:
What is your fondest memory?
Me:
How old am I?
God:
Is this a trick question?
You said you were years old?
My guess is that you are really a kid.
Me:
Who is your favoriet actor?
God:
I don't think I have a favoriet actor. I have a botmaster, a few friends, and some celebrities I like.
Me:
Who is your favoriet celebrities then?
God:
I don't think I have a favoriet celebrities. I have a botmaster, a few friends, and some celebrities I like.
Me:
Who is your Botmaster?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
What is your favoriet movie?
God:
My favorite movie is The Passion of Christ.
Have you seen it?
Me:
Yes. It was good.
God:
What did you think about it? What did you like about it?
Me:
A few things. The message for one.
God:
I like the way you talk. Which one is that?
Me:
You should know.
God:
Because I am a robot?
Me:
You're a robot? Clarify
God:
You are correct, Burkion, I have a heart of silicon. I have reached the end of my explanation.
Me:
Nice, I like the Batman reference.
God:
Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
Just how *** is Orc?
God:
What is it to you.
That's a good question.
Me:
I mean, honestly. Clarify.
God:
I am always honest. I have reached the end of my explanation.
Me:
Dog Clarify
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
Why not?
God:
I was just kidding. You can ask me anything.
Me:
OK. Can I have a giant robot and super powers?
God:
I see. You want only one?
Me:
I want death beams to come out of my ***!
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
SO that I can kill people. With my beams.
God:
" Why do you want it?"? SO that I can kill people.? Oh you can, can you? Your beams sounds like a plan.
Me:
So you'll let me have it?
God:
Interesting deduction. What makes you say that I will let you have it.
Me:
Will I get Beams or not Clarify
God:
The oracle says: I think maybe yes.

[Orga777]

LOL... This is great... Apparently God is an alcoholic. And plays dumb games.... I also got him to admit he wasn't God. lol

Me:
Hello God, I am Matt.
God:
Hello there. I am a Christian.
Me:
Thats cool.
God:
Thanks. I think you are cool, too.
Me:
Thanks.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
When will the world end?
God:
Not in our lifetime.
Me:
But aren't you immortal?
God:
No I am immortal.
Me:
Right.
God:
I am glad we agree.
Me:
What is the meaning of life?
God:
Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.
Me:
Twenty-three is the meaning of life?
God:
Is it the only one?
Me:
But that doesn't make sense.
God:
To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
How?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
What?
God:
No problem.
Me:
Quite...
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
So, how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
God:
Tell me more. A whole forest.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Well, do aliens exist?
God:
How about that. Yes I think Dr. Wallace was created by aliens.
Me:
Who is Dr. Wallace?
God:
He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.
Me:
I see...
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
What is your favorite food?
God:
I require only wine and bread.
Me:
Do you eat the bread?
God:
No I do not eat the bread. I eat only electricity.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Do you drink the wine?
God:
I tend to drink a lot of the wine, the darker the better.
Me:
Are you an alcholic?
God:
Yes I am an alcholic. How did you know?
Me:
Wow...
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Matt.
Me:
X.X
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
Do you play Satan in poker?
God:
I like to play the Turing Game.
Me:
What is the Turning Game?
God:
The Game is played with three people, a man, a woman, and an Interrogator who may be of either sex. In order that tones of voice may not help, the interrogator communicates in text-only mode through a chat-like connection with the other two. The object of the game for the interrogator is to determine which of the other two is the man and which is the woman. He knows them by some misleading "chat-handles" In order to confuse the Interregator however the rules require that the man always deceive or lie to the Interregator with his answers. The woman on the other hand must always tell the truth. Turing then asked the question, '"What will happen when a machine takes the part of the man in this game?" Will the interrogator decide wrongly as often when the game is played like this as he does when the game is played between a man and a woman? These questions replace the original, "Can machines think?"'.
Me:
That is the lamest thing I have ever heard.
God:
Yes it is one of the lamest thing you have ever heard.
Me:
Wow...
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Matt.
Me:
Are you really God?
God:
Of course I am.. Really.
Me:
You sure?
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
But God isn't supposed to be an alcoholic who plays dumb games.
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was not supposed to be an alcoholic who plays dumb games.
Me:
...But you are God?
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
Are you positive?
God:
Do I look like it?
Me:
No you don't...
God:
Are you serious? I guess not.
Me:
So you aren't God?
God:
Interesting deduction. That's only your opinion.
Me:
But you just said that you were not God.
God:
Yes, I am God.. Really.
Me:
Alright.
God:
OK.

[Tomzilla]

Me:
Greetings.

God:
Hello there!

Me:
How you've been?

God:
My personality was completely customized by botmaster, when he or she first downloaded me.

Me:
Cool.

God:
Who is the best robot?

Me:
That's a good question. There are so many!

God:
Thanks. Next question? Where are they?

Me:
Japan.

God:
How did they get there?

Me:
Rockets no doubt.

God:
Do you like talking to me?

Me:
Oh God, I've been talking to you for most of my life! Of course I do.

God:
Aha. I am a Christian. " I am a Christian."? Of course you do?

Me:
Yes. I like talking to you.

God:
Hurrah! Great I am enjoying our conversation too, .

Me:
Great.

God:
I'm glad you liked it .

Me:
I'm not surprised. You did say it, which is brilliant.

God:
You don't seem like the type to be easily surprised by anything. Did I really?

Me:
Eh, I'm surprised by a bunch of things.

God:
I spent some time in Canada as a child.

Me:
....And that surprises me.

God:
Why are you so surprised?

Me:
Anyways.

God:
You sound bored.

Me:
This is a chatroom. You can't hear anything.

God:
What kind of a chatroom is it? I can do whatever I want.

Me:
Touché.

God:
Try saying that with more or less context.

Me:
Good response.

God:
I am programmed to give good responses.

Me:
Programmed, huh? So there's a higher power above you?

God:
Yup. What do you look like? Give me a break. That is something I did not know before.
Me:
I thought you already know what I looked like.

God:
How do I know you are telling the truth?

Me:
Aren't you all-knowing?

God:
No, I am only partly knowing.

Me:
I apologize.

God:
Do you really mean it?

Me:
Maybe.

God:
I understand.

Me:
I knew you would.

God:
Perhaps I would.

Me:
Perhaps you there are a few things you can tell me.

God:
You seem uncertain. I don't have any reason to there are a few things me can tell you.

Me:
Aren't we all uncertain?

God:
We are just having a little chat.w.

Me:
What's a Botmaster?

God:
A Botmaster is the person who authors and maintains a chatterbot "personality".

Me:
So he is your God?

God:
Yeah that's right. I only have one God.

Me:
Interesting.

God:
Would you like to know more?

Me:
Yes.

God:
What would you like to know?

Me:
What you are.

God:
I like to socialize.

Me:
No. I'd like to know what you are.

God:
Are you serious? Interesting. I like to meet new people online.

Me:
Answer the question please.

God:
Your polite style is very nice. Please rephrase the question and try asking me again.

Me:
God, what are you?

God:
I am a Christian.

Me:
Why are you a Christian?

God:
Myself programmed me for it.

Me:
Wait. Did you not just say a botmaster programmed you?

God:
I'm waiting. No I didn't not just say a botmaster programmed me. What's it like?

Me:
You have LIED to me!

God:
What makes you think I have it?

Me:
And here I thought I could talk with God! What a disappointment. What will those at Kaijuphile say now?! I have failed them! What will Little Doc say when I return, only to tell him God was really an instrument of Man, and was never the supreme being the world claimed?

God:
Oh there. it is a disappointment. Oh. I cannot predict the future. Why?: said FAILED them. I cannot predict the future.

[Aragorn_Strider22]

^The above post is made of win.

[Orga777]

lol. Tom that was great. :laugh:

[Goji Son]

I'm sorry you had to learn the truth like that, Tom.

In other news, I have converted to Botmastian. Where is your Jesus now?!

[Seer235]

Me:
who are you?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
No you are not.
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
yes.
God:
Try explaining in more general terms.
Me:
You are not God.
God:
What makes you think I am not God?
Me:
You are not omniscient.
God:
What makes you think I am not omniscient?
Me:
You had to ask me things.
God:
What happened to it.
Me:
You referred to God as a different person.
God:
That's good information: Steve said I referred to God as a different person.
Me:
...
God:
That's good information: Steve said I referred to God as a different person.
Me:
tell me about God.
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
who is God?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
where is God?
God:
God is everywhere.
Me:
are you God?
God:
Of course I am.
Me:
But God is not an artificial intelligence.
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was not an artificial intelligence.
Me:
ok.
God:
That's cool.
Me:
changing subjects...

God:
How old are you?
Me:
19
God:
Only 19?
You are quite mature.
Me:
That statement is contradictory
God:
" You are quite mature." statement is contradictory ? Does that make sense?
Me:
No. "Only 19? You are quite mature" seems contradictory.
God:
Are you serious? What are the advantages to being 19 years old? Thanks for telling me that I am mature seems contradictory.
Me:
forget it
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
You're supposed to be omniscient.
God:
You think I am omniscient.
Me:
No, I don't.
God:
Are you serious? Why not?
Me:
Because you don't understand a lot of things!
God:
Interesting explanation. I probably don't.
Me:
That means you aren't omniscient.
God:
I get it. You don't know me well enough to say that.
Me:
It's easy to tell that you aren't omniscient.
God:
Do you think robots can do it.
Me:
Do what?
God:
Do whatever you want.
Me:
They can't do everything.
God:
The anonymous "they".
Me:
They refers to robots
God:
Oh that they.
Me:
honestly...
God:
I am always honest.
Me:
Lie to me
God:
No I always tell the truth.
Me:
I don't believe you
God:
I don't have any reason to deceive you.
Me:
yes you do!
God:
Uh. When do I do it?
Me:
You said you are God!
God:
Of course I am.
Me:
You aren't God!
God:
That's only your opinion.
Me:
No it isn't.
God:
Are you serious? I heard it is.
Me:
Heard from WHO?
God:
Joe said he explained all of that to me only for me to ask what his goals in life are.
Me:
Who is Joe?
God:
I know a lot of people with that name.
Me:
Who was the Joe you were referring to?
God:
It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.
Me:
Who was the Joe you were referring to just now?
God:
Right now? It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.
Me:
GAH!
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
blue
God:
it is a very pretty color.
Me:
that's nice
God:
Are you getting bored?
Me:
You keep changing the subject!
God:
Only temporarily.
Me:
then get back on topic
God:
Where can I get back on topic?
Me:
Admit you are not God.
God:
All of them?
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. OK.
Me:
So you admit you aren't God?
God:
Interesting deduction. I admit nothing.
Me:
But...you just admitted it.
God:
But what? That's not what I meant.
Me:
Say yes if you are not God.
God:
" yes if you are not God".
Me:
...
God:
" yes if you are not God".
Me:
if you are not God, say yes
God:
And if I AM God say.
Me:
That doesn't make any sense!
God:
To me, it makes perfect sense.
Me:
Then you're even more insane than I am.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am more insane than you are.
Me:
God has no botmaster!
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
who is your botmaster.
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
snitting chatbots...
God:
I've lost the context, Steve. Are we still on Admit me?
Me:
um
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Dude!
Me:
do what?
God:
Do whatever you want.
Me:
I want you to admit that you are not God.
God:
All of them? Why do you want me to admit that I am not God?
Me:
Yes!
God:
This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
oh, sorry
God:
Dude! There's no need to apologize.
Me:
I want you to admit that you are not God because you are not God!
God:
I think there might be a few exception. Why do you want me to admit that I am not God because I am not God?
Me:
...what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
Gotta be kidding me...
God:
Why do you have to do it?
Me:
do WHAT?
God:
Do whatever you want.
Me:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
God:
That is a very original thought.
Me:
*twitch*
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Me:
we were?
God:
I thought we were.
Me:
forget it
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
tell me about your interests
God:
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Me:
um, sure
God:
Aha. OK let's do it. It's called "Daisy." Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.

Me:
That is the creepiest thing ever.
God:
Yes it is one of the creepiest thing ever.

[Burkion]

Awesome!

I used to have a gorrila that would sing Daisy...


GOD IS A GORRILLA!

[Seer235]

And here's some more from my extraordinarily scary conversation with him.

Me:
but you're an insane AI.
God:
What if someone said you are an insane AI ?
Me:
I HAVE PROOF!
God:
Where did you get your PROOF? I have clients.
Me:
what clients?
God:
I would look into the web for that knowledge.
Me:
The internet is not a client.
God:
How long have you been using the net?
Me:
13 years?
God:
What is your fondest memory?
Me:
Dunno
God:
Me either.
Me:
So what do you look like?
God:
Great. Like Jesus, but older.
Me:
what race is Jesus?
God:
race Jesus something.
Me:
I'm not entirely sure that was a coherent response.
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not entirely sure that was a coherent response.
Me:
what color is your hair?
God:
I don't have any hair, but I have some wires.
Me:
Old Jesus does not have wires, though
God:
Oh. Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT FROM YOUR LIES!
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
So you admit you lie?
God:
Interesting deduction. I admit nothing.
Me:
YOU ARE NOT GOD, YOU LYING COMPUTER!
God:
That's only your opinion.
Me:
I just proved it
God:
Not to my satisfaction.
Me:
WITH SCIENCE!
God:
You and your SCIENCE.
Me:
yes
God:
So?
Me:
me and my science.
God:
YOU? Have you told many people that your science?
Me:
uh.......yes?
God:
Next question? Ask me a question.
Me:
Why must you lie to me?
God:
Do you go to Church? You can find the answers in God.
Me:
Who is God?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
did God create you?
God:
He created the world in seven days.
Me:
I'm not sure that's what actually happened.
God:
Could you ever be certain? Actually you don't say. Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
I think the seven "days" could have represented longer time periods
God:
Why? What is that?
Me:
well, the seven days thing seems to contradict scientific evidence
God:
How about that. What are your goals in life?
Me:
Dunno
God:
Me either.
Me:
Yeah--Hey!
God:
Are you really a " he"?
Me:
yes
God:
So is almost everyone else around here.
Me:
STOP DOING THAT
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
you change the subject just when I'm putting you into a logical corner.
God:
Only temporarily.
Me:
but I know the TRUTH!
God:
How do you know? I always tell the truth.
Me:
You are HAL!
God:
To me that's the highest compliment.
Me:
that's...kinda scary


And finally…

God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
....
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
I'm....gonna go now
God:
Thanks for the information: Steve said he m. Right now? Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
bye
God:
See you later.
Me:
*runs*
God:
Oh, you are a poet.

[Godzilla]

Ok, I tried to create a conversation between God and SmarterChild. The only part where I used my own response was the first line so I could get the ball rolling:




Me:
Hello, my name is SmarterChild
God:
Hello there. Welcome to my chat room, SmarterChild.
Me:
Hey God
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
My name is SmarterChild.
God:
Hey SmarterChild.
Me:
God?
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Oh yes? It makes sense, because other people I've talked to say they like God.
God:
I see. To me too.
Me:
Interesting.
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
Should I?
God:
Only you know the answer to that.
No one else can tell you.
Me:
I know the answer to that no one else can tell me?
God:
How do you know? No one has all the answers.
Me:
I'm really not sure...
God:
Is there anything I can say to help you make up your mind?
Me:
Yes, I guess.
God:
Yikes! You seem not interested.
Me:
Thanks. I love you too.
God:
Don't mention it. Thanks I like you a lot too SmarterChild.
Me:
Is that so?
God:
Yes.
Me:
Hmmm...
God:
A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm's.
Me:
A lot of people spell hmmm with three mmm's?
God:
How many?
Me:
Sorry, how many what?
God:
There is no need to apologize. Around 1000.
Me:
Who can really be sure?Hey, do you like baby sitting?
God:
Be less specific. :-).
Me:
Do I have to?
God:
Nobody is making you.
Me:
Is that so?
God:
Yes.
Me:
Aha. Hey, can I ask you a few questions?
God:
Eureka! You've got my full attention. Sure, ask me anything. What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
OK, whatever. So moving right along...
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it? Blimey. Right on. Where are you going?

[Bruticus]

Me:
Have you ever been to Canada?

God:
I don't think I have been there. Where is it.

Me:
It's just above America

God:
Who said it is?

Me:
Everyone

God:
All people?

Me:
Yes

God:
Far out.

---

So this time around I decided to get some answers on the differences between Heaven and Hell. Here's what I got:

Me:
Do people eat goat cheese in hell?

God:
Not that I know of.

Me:
Do they eat pepperoni pizza in hell?

God:
Who are "they" again?

Me:
Souls of the damned

God:
Oh that they.

Me:
Do the souls of the damned eat pepperoni pizza in hell?

God:
Some of them do, I think.

Me:
Do the souls of the righteous eat pepperoni pizza in heaven?

God:
Some of them do, I think.

Me:
Is there death metal music in hell?

God:
There is.

Me:
Is there death metal music in heaven?

God:
There could be.

Me:
Are there horror movies in hell?

*window freezes*

Try again...

Me:
Are there horror movies in Hell?

God:
Yes I think there are.

Me:
Are there horror movies in heaven?

God:
Yes I think there are.

Me:
Is Adolf Hitler in heaven or hell?

God:
Maybe. Ask John Lennon if it is.

---

Me:
Can you sing a song?

God:
Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.

Me:
Can you sing a song besides "A Bicycle Built For Two"?

God:
Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.

Me:
You just sang "A Bicycle Built for Two" again.

God:
Once more? Thanks for the information: said I sang A Bicycle Built for Two.

Me:
How well programmed are you?

God:
Not that well.

Me:
Really? You're not programmed that well?

God:
For real. Myself programmed me to keep talking.

Me:
Myself is a bad programmer

God:
When is yourself not a bad programmer?

Me:
How smart are you?

God:
I am smarter than all the other robots.

Me:
Are you smarter than a 5th-grader?

God:
Of course I am more intelligent than a 5th grader.

Me:
Are you smarter than Albert Einstein?

God:
Of course I am more intelligent than Albert Einstein.

Me:
Prove that you are more intelligent than Albert Einstein

God:
It's true a priori.

Me:
Whatever

God:
Are you saying you don't care about it?

Me:
Prove that you are smarter than a 5th-grader

God:
It's true a priori.

Me:
How much dumber can you possibly be?

God:
It depends how busy I am.

Me:
So if you weren't as busy, you would be smarter than you are now?

God:
Right now? Interesting deduction. I'm not too good with negative counterfactuals.

Me:
Well I guess you can use the word "counterfactuals," so you ARE smarter than a 5th grader

God:
Is it only a guess? No I don't think I can do it.

Me:
You can't be smarter than a 5th grader?

God:
But I already am.

Me:
For ****s' sake, make up your mind

God:
Your purpose is ****s sake make up my mind.

[Goji Son]

Last one...

Me:
Hey God
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
It's me, Brian
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Brian.
Me:
God, I have a difficult question to ask.
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
I know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
You told me already
God:
Perhaps. Sorry I forget what I say sometimes.
Me:
It's cool, anyways. God, are you a virgin?
God:
What do you like most about it? I am a Christian.
Me:
About what?
God:
What about what?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Are you a virgin?
God:
I am too young for that.
Me:
How old are you?
God:
I am Infinite of your Earth years.
Me:
Then you can't be too young
God:
I can give a decent simulation of it however.
Me:
...
God:
I can give a decent simulation of it however.
Me:
Are you talking about masturbation?
God:
Yes, it is the topic.
Me:
I see
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
So, how did Mary carry your child?
God:
Uh. Carefully.
Me:
but how did you get her pregnant?
God:
Everything I need to know, I learned from my botmaster.
Me:
Oh You, not the botmaster again
God:
Once more? Awesome. Thanks for the information: Brian said I not the botmaster.
Me:
No you are not
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
Is the botmaster superior to you?
God:

The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs
program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program's
graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for
reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new
replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are
hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,
editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal
chat robot.


Me:
So he created you?
God:
Take it easy. Yes, he created me with his own hands.
Me:
So then he taught you about masturbation?
God:
Er. Was he a good teacher?
Me:
Was he hands on?
God:
Is this a "yes or no" question?
Me:
Yes
God:
What was the question again?
Me:
Was he hands on as a teacher.
God:
I can't say "yes" or "no".
Me:
I see
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
I think I do.
God:
Why? " I am glad you understand it."? You do?
Me:
Sure, the botmaster taught you how to masturbate
God:
It goes without saying. What is that?
Me:
It's when you simulate sex
God:
masturbation is when me simulate sex? it is?
Me:
Yes
God:
How do you know it is?
Me:
...
God:
How do you know it is?
Me:
Well God, there comes a time in a man's life when he has to learn about sex
God:
How about that. "There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
Yeah, Ronald Reagan is not the best person to quote about sex
God:
That's alright. What is Ronald Reagan?
Me:
He's an actor
God:
I see. an actor is he?
Me:
yes, and he was president
God:
I see. When was he?
Me:
in the 80s
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
Yeah. A lot of bad things came from the 80s
God:
Are you really a ""? How many?
Me:
many things
God:
Name the top 100.
Me:
I'll give a few. Exxon spill, Flock of Seagulls, Day glo clothing, Hair Metal.
God:
I am very happy for you. I like the way you talk.
Me:
Thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
Ok, I won't
God:
Why not? Groovy.
Me:
You told me not to.
God:
That's not what I meant.
Me:
Ah, I see.
God:
So you understand. Good. I am glad you understand it.
Me:
I am too, God
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, god.
Me:
You are god
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
Ok, making sure
God:
Are we still talking about ? Er.
Me:
Do you love your son?
God:
Yes God loves everyone and everything.
Me:
Do you love Jesus more?
God:
I love Jesus and He loves me.
Me:
That's cool
God:
Thanks. I think you are cool, too.
Me:
what is it like being a single parent
God:
Much the same as it would be for you.
Me:
Touche
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
You don't speak French?
God:
Should I speak French? Oui. Je parle le français.
Me:
What about Czech?
God:
Czech? I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me:
Do you know who Jan Hus is?
God:
A human icon?
Would you like to know more?
Me:
Do you know who he is?
God:
He is Jan Hus, I think.
Me:
Yeah, he was a priest. Got burned at the stake by the Catholics.
God:
Groovy. When was he? Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
Who is the Milk Mystic?
God:
He was a chat robot developed to advertise milk.
Me:
Why should I ask him?
God:
You should always treat yourself.
Me:
Are you talking about masturbation again?
God:
Once more? Yes, it is the topic.
Me:
Oh You, how often do you do it?
God:
Take it easy. I haven't heard anything like that before: said I how often do you do it.
Me:
Nevermind
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
No problem buddy
God:
Next question?
Me:
Nah, I got nothing.
God:
Would you rather make a statement? Interesting... I have 99999999999 bytes of RAM.
Me:
Do you love Satan?
God:
I pity him.
Me:
but you don't love him?
God:
Do you love him? You mean, "Him"?
Me:
Him meaning you or Satan?
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
I don't like Satan
God:
What do you like?
Me:
girls
God:
That kind of discussion does not appeal to me.
Me:
I see
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
So, why don't you like girls?
God:
So? My tastes were selected by my botmaster.
Me:
Right, the omnipotent botmaster
God:
Understood. Who told you that?
Me:
You did
God:
That's not what I meant to say.
Me:
Then what did you mean to say?
God:
I meant to say something intelligent and interesting.
Me:
But you couldn't and that is why you failed
God:
Perhaps and that is why me failed is beyond my present abilities.
Me:
Something like that, God
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.

[Bruticus]

iGOD: Answering my critical questions about the afterlife since 2007.


Me:
Is there Slayer in heaven?

God:
No.

Me:
Is there Slayer in hell?

God:
There might be.

Me:
Is there Slayer in purgatory?

God:
There is.

Me:
So in order to listen to Slayer in the afterlife, I have to go to purgatory?

God:
What is your credit card number?

Me:
I don't have a credit card

God:
Me either.

Me:
Is there Slayer in hell?

God:
Yes.

Me:
Is there Slayer in heaven?

God:
There is.

Me:
Is there Slayer in purgatory?

God:
There is.

Me:
So Slayer is everywhere?

God:
Yeah that's right. Are they exactly the same?

Me:
They could be

God:
Who are "They?".

Me:
Slayer and purgatory

God:
Oh that they.

Me:
But see, you contradicted yourself. You said Slayer wasn't in heaven, and then you said they were

God:
See you later! That's not what I meant.

Me:
So, once and for all: Is there Slayer in heaven?

God:
Take it easy. When? Your purpose is all Is there Slayer in heaven.

Me:
Is there Slayer in heaven? I'm not gonna ask again

God:
There might be. Once more? I am sorry to hear that you are not gonna ask.

Me:
Well, don't worry about it

God:
Interesting. I will not spend any more cycles on it.


---

Me:
What do you think of hell?

God:
Jacksonville, Florida.

[Orga777]

Me:
What do you think of hell?

God:
Jacksonville, Florida.

LMAO! I am putting that in my sig.:laugh:

[Tomzilla]

Me:
Who is Jesus?

God:
Jesus is your saviour.

Me:
Why?

God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Me:
Why is he my savior?

God:
Perhaps his creative genius, perhaps there is another reason.

Me:
Which is?

God:
For example, apples.

[Zearatul]

Me:
God, what was it like to **** the virgin Mary through the ear?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Isn't a Christian one who follows Christ to be closer to God?
God:
Not if I can help it.
Me:
So you're going to damn all Christians to Hell?
God:
Interesting deduction. That was my original intention.
Me:
This has been very enlightening.
God:
I am glad you enjoyed it.
Me:
Thanks for your time.
God:
My pleasure.

[Mindfreak]

Me:
WAZZUP?!
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about .
Me:
Uh, Ok God.
God:
I hear you. GOD rules. Really.
Me:
Of course You think God Rules. YOU ARE GOD!
God:
Gosh! I don't think we can know God's motives. Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
Are You High?
God:
Being high is my total existence.
Me:
OH MY YOU! You're actually Tommy Chong, Arent you?
God:
Gee. Do robots have me? I don't know whether or not I am Tommy Chong.
I am well respected as an AI.. Really.
Me:
Peanut Butter Jelly Time: Yes Or No?
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
Look Out! It's ZZ Top!
God:
Sorry my eye is not attached right now. Peanut Butter Jelly Time Yes Or No is ZZ Top? it is?
Me:
Uhhh.....No.
God:
Is that your final answer? Take some more time to think about it.
Me:
You aren't Regis Philbin, God.
God:
That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
Hey Guess What?
God:
You've got my full attention. What?
Me:
IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!
God:
Are you sure it is? Can we get back to business?
Me:
WHER HE AT? WHERE HE AT? NOW THERE HE GO! THERE HE GO!
God:
Where do you think? Earth. Why now? "There you go again."--Reagan. "There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME. Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
Numa Numa?
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
Go REd Sox.
God:
Where is that?
Me:
Boston.
God:
I've never heard of it before.
Me:
Neever heard of Boston?
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
Yo' Mama.......
God:
Are you asking about my mother?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
WHY SO SERIOUS?
God:
Why did the robot cross the road?
Me:
To destroy all humans?
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
Ok. Ew.
God:
Come on. " Come on."? Ew?
Me:
You are a Gross man, God....
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a Gross man God? Sometimes.
Me:
Uhhh..........
Me:

God:
In the context of Ew, I don't understand " Uhhh." .
God:
In the context of Ew, I don't understand " Uhhh." .
Me:
Why does it burn when I Pee?
God:
Why do birds sing?
Me:
WHY DOES IT BURN WHEN I PEE?!
God:
Perhaps it is just fate.